Give it Up!

How many times have you found yourself miserable and hurt because you're holding onto something? Holding on to an idea that something was going to work out differently - Holding onto your pride and not asking for help - Holding onto a negative view of yourself - Holding on to the need to be right all the time - Holding onto the past - Holding on to beliefs that don't allow you to accept others. We do it all the time. We limit ourselves by clinging to the crap that we are too afraid to let go. We hold onto them because we think they will make us feel "okay," and maybe even make us feel satisfied and happy.  But, oddly enough, it is these very things that are really holding us back from that happy, peaceful life we are all desperate to live.

I read a great article that lists 15 things we should work on letting go of so that we can be happy and more at ease with ourselves and others. After a rough, overwhelming set of realizations last night about how I have been steadfastly holding onto ideas about the past and future, I found these tips to be great ways to get PRESENT. Many of these I have touched on before, but reading them from another source is extremely helpful and a healthy reminder.

1. Give up your need to always be right

 There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame

 Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk

 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining

 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change

 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels

 Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

Confront.

Why does it feel so much easier to swallow our pain or shove discomfort aside than to face those challenges head on? Sometimes I pretend like something that is bothering me doesn't really exist or just procrastinate confronting it because I'm afraid. Afraid of what? Hurting someone's feeling, how something will be received, mustering up courage, being vulnerable, having boundaries... I could go on and on about the things I fear that hold me back from confronting issues. But the more things I try to ignore, and the more little peripheral projects I focus on to distract myself, the CRAZIER I feel. 


I recently had a night of BERSERK emotions that I couldn't figure out. I had had a wonderful day at work and was feeling pretty productive. But all the sudden, something came over me and I was plain UPSET. Mad at myself, crying, feeling like I wanted to cancel plans and mope. This all came out of left field and I was baffled that I was feeling so upset, so suddenly. It wasn't until a day later that I realized this explosion of emotions was caused by my suppressing too much. I hadn't experience that for a few months, so it was hard to put my finger on at first. But it felt good to recognize it and remember that I was in control of the cause of such outbursts. 


After years of emotional roller coasters, learning how to love and accept myself, seeing the world through different eyes, discovering what it means to trust the Universe... I feel more resilient and inspired, but recognize that I (like everyone else) am still susceptible to self-induced challenges, like the one I experienced the other day. Although I started this post with a question that seemed pretty valid and relatable, I want to turn it completely backwards. Now that I know what it really means to face fear, anger, discomfort, disagreement, challenge... it's actually harder to not do so. I may trick myself for a week, thinking that I have more room to cram my discomforts into. But there IS a breaking point when I have a moment of self awareness and can call my own bluff. At that point, in all honesty, I feel a bit disappointed in myself for getting to a point where I thought it was better to avoid or flee than confront. But I can't be upset for too long, because I'm already on my way to facing whatever it is I was running from. No longer does it feel good to pretend that doing something else to occupy my mind and time is the way to really make me feel good and accomplished. It's usually those more difficult things, like reaching out to a resistant relative, saying no to gossip, intervening when a friend is harming themselves, letting go of people who bring you down, that are what really feed our souls and lighten our spirits. NOT ignoring the glaring issues.


I hope that you feel encouraged and inspired to face whatever you might be holding back today. It is so much more freeing to let it go and confront it than it is to shuffle other things around in your life to make room for junk. It really is crap - it sure makes me feel crappy! Let go! Don't hold yourself back. The Universe is waiting for us to live and love fully, and we can't do that when we are constantly avoiding confronting our demons. So confront away! And maybe do some daily affirmations, like this cutie...

Human Development is Beautiful

Using art and technology, Alexander Tsiaras visualizes the unseen human body in the TED Talk below.

"Even though I'm a mathematician, I look at this with marvel: How do these instruction sets not make these mistakes as they build what is us?" 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=fKyljukBE70

The human body and its development is such an incredible thing. This visual depiction blew my mind. It's amazing how the woman's body is built to carry another life form until it's ready to enter this world. The part of the video where it showed child birth, and the baby wriggling though the hip bones... wow! 

I really enjoy this video. Actually seeing how we develop and getting a window into this unseen world somehow recentered me today. Going back to where it all started - where all the complexities within us built themselves and naturally took their course - that was calming. All of our inner conflicts and intricacies still have an innate instruction manual and develop/release when the time is right. We must learn to still trust our bodies and our intuitions - because they have always been such are such powerful, self-aware machines.

Emotions.

I read something about emotions today that I wanted to tease out and share with all of you, as I think that it can act as a powerful learning and encouragement for us. Sometimes we just want to shut down and completely numb ourselves to the aching, anger, discomfort, we experience in life. We all have our own ways of anesthetizing ourselves and taking the edge off: alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, staying busy, sex, work, planning, constant change, perfectionism, and so forth. When you are decentered, or just not living wholeheartedly, gut reaction is to run away from the uncomfortable emotions and find a way to act like they don't exist. Here's the interesting thing about that:

"We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions"

 Let that marinade. You can't pick that you will take a glob of joy, a sprinkle of inspiration, a dash of excitement, and ZERO pain. When you are numbed, you are unable to feel anything. Instead of running away from the trying emotions, we must learn to lean into the discomfort. We must stay aware and build resilience so that we can feel the love and joy just as intensely as the pain. 


We all, in big or small ways, have ways of taking the edge off. Those who are developed and committed to living wholeheartedly recognize their own tactics and try to get back to accepting whatever it is they are feeling and exploring that sensation. On the other hand, people who constantly and compulsively numb to the point of sacrificing their worthiness, boundaries, authenticity, and connection to the Universe - that is called addiction. 

"When we numb the dark, we numb the light." 

That's no way to live. Being open to feeling - to accepting the dark and light emotions as they come - that is called vulnerability. That is what I want. Being vulnerable is always what feels the best to me. It allows me to discover and connect with energies (people, places) that glow and ignite my light within. If I were to always counter my struggle for self-acceptance with exhausting perfectionistic tendencies or constantly staying busy, I would run myself into the ground and be 100% incapable of connecting to those light sources to I value being so drawn to and inspired by. I realize now that I lived a good portion of the last couple years doing exactly those things, wondering why I couldn't find that deep sense of inner peace and happiness I longed for. Instead, I must strengthen my ability to surrender those deflectors and maintain a pulse on my inner reality. It's okay to hurt and feel pain. It only means as much as we let it. It will pass... it always does. But you have to want it to, and that requires keeping the doorstop wedged in the passage way to our hearts. 

LOVE > FEAR

True Love.

Recently, a soul mate has been brought back into my life by the good graces of the Universe, and I felt inspired to share my thoughts on true love. My boyfriend has taught (and continues to teach) me a lot about love, and the journey that is our relationship unveils something to me every day about what it means to love someone (whether that someone is yourself or another being).

The biggest lesson I have learned thus far in my life (I have shared with you recently):

You can only love others as much as you love yourself.

I can't stress how true this statement is. And it's interconnectedness with our happiness, acceptance, and growth is unreal. I had no idea just how limited I was in my ability to love and accept others in my life until I saw how critical I was of myself. I was never good enough, and no one else in my life was either. The more I criticized my body, my habits, my inhibitions... the more I saw the need to pick others apart. When we feel badly about ourselves, it drastically effects how we treat and respond to others in our life. Pent up self-resentment makes us judge and condemn others. There is a direct correlation between love for self and capacity to have uninhibited, totally vulnerable love for others. As soon as I hit a peak within my own self-acceptance, everyone else in my life immediately became this new kind of beautiful perfection. Why? Because I could accept and EMBRACE them for exactly who and what they are. Who am I to judge what they choose to say, eat, do with their time or who they decide to befriend, marry, work with? Once you can let go of all the things you want to criticize, all of the beauty begins to surface... and things that you were unable to see before (because the wall of judgement was clouding your view) spring to life! Suddenly "that" friend isn't neglectful of me, "that" family member isn't a burden, "that" coworker isn't incompetent, "that" acquaintance isn't annoying. They all emerge as wonderful in their own unique way. Sounds incredible right? It's not an easy perspective to attain, especially for someone like myself who would rather work on "fixing" someone else before I ever consider looking within my own heart and mind instead. The work must start (and continue) within ourselves before this awe-inspiring acceptance of others can really come to fruition.

So, then. What is true love? Think about this in terms of having true love for yourself, as well as the love you feel for others.

• It is acceptance. It does not judge or want to change something for selfish reasons
• Instead of judge, it wants to learn and understand
• It inspires. It teaches to promote growth and new levels of understanding
• It is ever-burning. It never dies, even when stress or challenges threaten to douse it
• It is passionate. It is excited and engrossed
• It is vulnerable. It is open and willing to accept life as it comes
• It is caring. It is having empathy and wanting to get on a mutual level of feeling
• It is balanced. It is magically suspended by the poles that vie for its energy
• It is encouraging. It wants happiness and success for others
• It is giving. It is compassionate and generous with its possessions (time, emotions, understanding, etc.)
• It is patient. It doesn't hasten to figure things out or make rash decisions
• .... I could go on and on.

What is true love to you? How do you define it? What is true love NOT?

I would love to hear your thoughts and any awakenings you have had about love. We can all learn so much from each other through this kind of sharing!

Persistence.

“If you’re tired of starting over, stop giving up.” 

What a powerful quote. I definitely need to meditate on this today, as I've been feeling "too nervous" to start or follow through with projects. That's usually a result of me being overwhelmed and running away from doing too much when I have a minute to catch some air. (I'm even "running away" right now as I blog, but I find this necessary and remedial!) In times of doubt or fear, I see that I stray away from what I need to do. I distract my thoughts and let procrastination (cleaning, reading, Pinterest) replace my accountability. Then when I get so far from feeling balanced and on track that I need to start over, I layer on thick, nasty resentment. It's a terrible cycle. "I'm tired of starting over this car insurance provider research." "I'm tired of starting over in my yoga practice." "I'm tired of starting over in my relationships." Well, then stop giving up! My laziness stems from fear to start. But if I never stop working through the tough projects and making little dents whenever I can, then the goal will never feel too out of reach. 

It's quite the balancing act to find that perfect medium between getting things done and stressing yourself with too-full a plate. The best thing to do is to be realistic. Map out feasible timelines for yourself that give you enough bandwidth to actually get things done. I need to get rid of my current list-making tactic, because each week I have a new list, and some items fall off (I get nervous and exclude them from my list after it becomes a seemingly idle task) or I lose sight of the long term goals while focusing on the more pressing, but smaller to-do items. I may think "Heck yeah! Crossed 10 things off my list!" and go into veg-out mode. But when those 10 things consist of grocery shopping, going to the pharmacy, buying cat food, getting gas, and taking out the trash, I kid myself thinking that I have been super productive in the greater sense of what I need to get done. Of course, I did need to do those little things. But I need to also budget in the bigger ticket items (planning summer travel, learning about becoming a home owner, switching my car insurance provider... oops, I'm using my blog as a list!).  

Any suggestions about HOW to keep those bigger projects on the radar in the midst of the piddly little errands?


Lots of love to you today and always! 

New favorite artist... Birdy. Such a talented young lady. I've been listening to her album all day. This particular song seemed to fit well with my post today. 

Trust.

Trust: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

Are you able to trust yourself? Do you trust others easily? Do you trust that everything that happens in this world is already written in the stars? Can you trust that the greater balance of the Universe is more important than the list of reasons we give to not trust in its abilities?


Guess who has it ALL figured out? The Universe. 

Guess who DOESN'T have to even try to figure any of it out: You. 


Trust is huge. It's arguably one of the most vital component in any relationship (with yourself, with others, and with the Universe). I have written a lot about being vulnerable and being accepting... you need to be strong in both of these areas to really be able to trust. To place your confidence in something or someone, you have to fully embrace them and be open to what they have to give you (the "good" and the "bad"). I always feel the need to put those binaries in parentheses. I don't like seeing things as black and white, and I especially don't like to point out occurrences in our lives as "bad" ones - because each and every one serve the beautiful purpose of informing our journey. Even if we get hurt in the process, having trust feels so much nicer than keeping a wall up and being on-guard for an attack that may never come. Trust means taking what comes and surrendering our own ideas of how we thought things might have been.


Trust may actually be synonymous with acceptance, now that I start teasing out the meaning and how to establish it. Also, can you have one without the other? I don't think so. How can you accept someone or something if you can't trust that X, Y, or Z is that way for a reason? For me, it's much easier to think of it at the macro-level of the Universe than on the individual person level. For example, it's easy for me to conjure up an instance where I would accept someone for who they are, but not trust them. However, even that example is a flawed one. The trust-acceptance relationship is actually the same on the macro and micro levels. Acceptance requires letting go of expectations, and withholding trust means that you have some kind of expectation that your trust will be abused (thus my example fails).


I asked a few of my close friends why they thought trust was important. Here are some of the responses I got...

"Without trust, you can't have love. Lack of trust leads to resentment, bitterness, suspicion, jealousy, and all of those negative feelings that no one enjoys. Trust is a foundation of love and relationships. And to me, those relationships are important. Lying used to come easy to me until I realized that none of my friends or family relied on me. Practicing trust leads to purity. The people who are always honest and keep themselves straight are always the happiest and most wholesome, and they attract people because it is so rare. Trust strengthens the bonds of love to a degree that is unbreakable." 

"Trust is important because it allows us the opportunity to release our control. And thus teaches us how strong we really are. It also conserves energy from the amount it takes to try to contain, possess, ultra-examine, protect, disprove, or make up stories about. And is therefore a more fluid and light use of one's energy." 

"Trust even that which is untrustworthy. Love that which is not worth loving. That's what the Universe does."

Each of these responses inspired me in a different way. Trust truly is necessary for wholehearted loving and living. Trust is also vital for us to be 100% vulnerable to what the world has to offer us. The only barrier to trust is our own resistance.