Heartbreak.

"...It's in heartbreak, and only in heartbreak, that we discover not just the grace and power of love, but that our own limitless capacity for it finally, suddenly unfurls."

This is one of many quotes I would like to share with you from a blog post by Umair Haque called "How to Let Your Purpose Find You."

How counter-intuitive, to think that we must feel heartbreak and force ourselves into that place, to really feel the power of love. But, it's true. You learn about the amazing, intense, engulfing sensation of love through learning about what it feels like to lose it and to be challenged by it. 

"Most of us don't just hide our heartbreak — worse, we hide from heartbreak. And so we end up something like mute and mapless orphans in the human world; unable to speak the language of mattering; our vocabulary of life itself forever stunted."

Because we often don't instinctively lean into discomfort, and instead hide away from it, we do whatever it takes to avoid feeling heartbreak. We build up walls, we hide away our feelings, and we fight against vulnerability completely. We don't tell that special person we love them, for fear of ever experiencing what it would feel like to fall out of love, or not be loved back. We don't live in love, because we are afraid to live with the feeling of love lost. Our growth and our happiness is stunted when we live like that.

"Love is the process of being transformed by transformation; of a kind of reciprocity in transformation; where the subject makes the object wholer, fuller, truer, and so too, in the discovery of the fuller, truer, wholer self, the object makes the subject. It is for this reason that, when we are electrified by love, the world around us seems bigger, brighter, better — because, in truth, it is."

Love turns our idea of happiness and purpose on its head. Love flips the world upside down and shines a pink hue on everything around us. Things that used to bother us don't seem to matter. Priorities change, and challenges seem easier to push through. Love is power! It lifts us up and inspires us to lift others, too. A world lived in love IS different, because our experience of the world changes. 

People search the Earth high and low for their life's purpose. The scrub every surface and dig into many outlets trying to find that fulfillment, that thing that really speak to them and sets their world on fire. 

"Finding your purpose is not a phase of life — but a way of living."

Falling in love with your purpose is what living is all about. It's not a destination, but a constant journey. I sometimes get stuck on the idea that I'm searching for my purpose, such that I lose sight of what the Universe is offering me and communicating to me RIGHT now. I've come to the conclusion that we ALL have the same purpose. It comes in many shapes in sizes, but it all goes back to one thing: LOVE. Love is purpose. Your purpose may be to start a non-profit that's dedicated to helping impoverished children in Africa get access to clean water. Why? Because you love people and you care about their well-being. This is the same reason someone's purpose may be to become a math teacher. Or a scientist. Or a lawyer. When your purpose is grown from love, and it's root is love for your fellow man and for this planet we live on, that's when true fulfillment is ever-present in our lives.

"But those of us privileged by purpose? We know a secret: that growth sometimes feels like suffering."

Don't misunderstand. Love IS incredible and freeing. But, living a life in love is not free from suffering. In fact, the more you open up your heart to love, the more you are vulnerable to getting hurt too. You may get your heart broken (maybe even by yourself). You may break someone else's heart. But it's okay. It's inevitable that when a bunch of loving, vulnerable people come together, someone will get hurt. But do you wait in the shadows with your anti-love armor, anticipating a war of heartbreak? No! What a dark, miserable place. Let's not live that way. Let's dive into the pool of fireworks that love creates and enjoy every bright, glittering moment, even if we know that we could get burned and that the lights could eventually die out.  


I know what true love feels like. I also know what real, raw heartbreak feels like. And as terrible as it feels to drag through the days, weeks, months, with a broken heart... I would never give up those tough times. Because I know that living without heartbreak would mean that I'd be living without having loved, too.


Check this out: 
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The Neighbourhood, "Sweater Weather"

Reactions.

This quote is so very true. It's not life's difficulties or the misfortunes we encounter that determine our peace and happiness -- it's how we view them and how we respond that truly determines our development. The adverse situation or the difficult person we are dealing with are NOT what need to change -- instead, it's our perspective that WE must change. It's easy to think about all of the things we wish that people didn't do, or fantasize about the way we wish a relationship with someone (coworker, family member, etc.) could be. But people rarely change. And who are YOU that they would change for you? Instead of trying to change people, change your view of them. Look at them through loving, accepting eyes and get rid of that nasty judgement. The same goes for adverse situations that pop up. If you can't change the situation, then learn how to be comfortable in it. Our perspective and our reactions are something that we always have 100% control of. Never forget that! Be accountable.

"Your validation is just not that important to me"

Giving Fearlessly.

I've been slipping back into a bad habit lately, and today I want to draw attention to it, shine a light on it, to weaken that tendency. I think a lot of you can relate, so I want to share it with you.

I have a habit of holding back emotions/thoughts/expressions for fear of how they are received. Oldest fear in the books, right? Well, maybe not exactly. But it's common... too common. What is it that keeps us so pent up with expectations and fear of vulnerability? Why do set ourselves up for disappointment? Why is it SO hard for us to give without focusing on how it will be reciprocated?

Lately I have been stingy with my love. I have been hesitant to give it and to express it fully because my ego whispers little black wisps of "what if" in my ear. "What if he doesn't love you back?" "What if she is still holding a grudge?" "What if he will fall out of love?" "What if she speaks a different love language?" Today, I'd like to tell my ego to STFU! Really! No more defense mechanisms. I would rather love myself dry than be a pent-up expressionless void! Wouldn't you?

Give compliments. Give hugs. Share feelings. Share your heart. Tell people you love them. Do all of it, often, without thinking about how the recipient will respond. Flex those love muscles whenever you can so that the heart can learn what it really means to be open - open to giving and also receiving when those magical moments do happen.

Yes, it's good to avoid thinking about what you will be receiving and really just giving altruistically... but just consider the Law of Attraction as a bit of motivation. Do you want your life to be full of love? The more love you exude and the more you set your sights on giving love, the greater chance you have of also being showered in love. 

Limitless undying love, 

which shines around me like a million suns,

It calls me on and on across the universe

Focus on You.

Any time we criticize someone else, we aren't thinking about how we can be OUR best selves. This is very powerful. If every time we opened our mouths (or busied our minds) to say something negative to or about someone else, we instead considered how we could refine ourselves, we would all be much more loving, evolved individuals. 

It's important to remember that your experience of someone is NOT who they are, but who you are making them out to be. We can all make the decision to view everyone through eyes of love and compassion, rather than through a lens of skepticism and hate. ("Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.") Experience everyone around you as love - see the innate light in everyone. Often times we micromanage and pick apart other people to avoid improving ourselves and finding our own light. Of course it seems easier to put the attention on someone else's "shortcomings" or whatever else you assign to them. But, ultimately, the other person feels unloved and unaccepted, and we remain stuck and not personally attended to. It's a lose-lose situation.

I learned this lesson in a big way recently. And I want to remind myself, and all of you, to turn the focus from others to within your own self. Don't beat yourself up by any means; be kind to your heart. But be aware of how you are or aren't being your absolute best version of yourself. Ask yourself if you are living a life as love. Or if you are leaching happiness and love from your life with your criticism and avoidance tactics. Try your absolute hardest to see the light in everything and to have real compassion for the experiences of others. They don't need our negativity or our judgement. They are probably getting a hefty dose of that from their own ego and insecurities. Why layer more onto their plate? So that they are wrong and you are right? So that your self-righteous self doesn't have to think about how YOU could do better? BE LOVE. Embody it. Ooze it from every pore. Look like it, talk like it, walk like it. That's always a good look. And others will surely follow.