Empathy

Empathy: the intellectual identification of the thoughts, feelings, or state of another person; capacity to understand another person's point of view or the result of such understanding. 


Empathy is incredibly powerful. It saves us from judging others. It brings us closer to people. It offers a way to learn about things that might otherwise feel outside of ourselves. It often requires us to surrender and be vulnerable. 


It always feels amazing to empathize... to really connect with how someone else is feeling, and to identify with the euphoria, sorrow, confusion, or love that they are experiencing. When we open our heart and mind to empathize, it allows us to embark on new journeys. We get to explore different emotional circumstances and try on new ways of thinking and being. All the while, you are connecting with another person on a deeper, spiritual level than would be possible if you were selfish with your ideas, love, and understanding.

Lately, whenever I feel like I have a strong (negative) opinion about someone, decisions they've made, their opinions, feelings they have, etc., I really force myself out of my skin into theirs. I give my very best effort to put my own ideas aside and instead try to see where they are coming from. When I am really analyzing things and giving empathy a genuine, wholehearted chance, I find that my judgements and negativity melt away. Caring about others and their experiences, opinions, ideas, and feelings really cracks open our hearts and removes any base for making an "other" or "bad guy" out of anyone. And that is a beautiful thing.

This weekend I tried things that I had previously been (pretty baselessly) critical and disapproving of. I hate when I realize that an opinion of mine isn't rooted in any logic, but just all emotion-based and founded on preconceived notions. I used to puff up my feathers and try to edge away when people would point out that kind of thing. But now all I want to do is to better understand where my judgements are really stemming from and instead give my opinions legs to stand on with real knowledge and experience. Many times, I have such realizations about some of my baseless opinions when someone I really care about differs from me in their beliefs. Instead of shunning that part of my loved one, I want to be more committed to empathy - to really attempting to get on the same page just by visualizing their experience.

Have a wonderful week, everyone. Love others and yourself wholehearted by consciously practicing empathy. xo

Revisiting Brené Brown: Vulnerability and Shame

 Brené Brown (a hero of mine who I posted about last month) gave a follow-up speech on some of her shame/vulnerability research, and a couple items stuck out as wonderful things to share with you (and to put into writing for myself, too).

"Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage... Vulnerability is the birth place of innovation, creativity, and change."

With all of this talk about opening up my heart and laying my courage on the line, I often forget the tools I need to get there. Sometimes it's easier to recite quotes to myself than it is to really be actionable (because I forget how). Vulnerability doesn't have to happen while you're alone in your room at night trying really hard to rip your mind open to possibility. It evolves when you share love and honesty with others. Yes, you can challenge yourself (personal acts of courage) to do amazing things that don't involve other people. But if you get stuck in your practice, remember that it's easier (and more exciting, in my opinion) to practice vulnerability with others. The bonus - you get feedback! And perhaps they will share their vulnerability with you too! We can learn from each other.

I really love when Brené says, "If we are going to find our way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path." This fills me with so much hope and encouragement.

When we are struggling to be vulnerable and feeling shame of some sort ("I'm not X enough"), remember that the two most powerful words when we are in struggle is "me too." Share with others! (Of course, picking the right person to share must be done with consideration.) I can't even imagine how I would be able to continue growing and experiencing enlightenment without opening up to my friends and family. Shame thrives on silence, secrecy, and judgement. Wearing that coat of "I'm not enough" is made possible and comfortable when we do it in hiding. BUT, if you pour a heaping load of empathy on it, it simply won't remain. You'll want to triumphantly rip that coat off! And you can't have empathy without other people.  

Here is the full follow-up video if you'd like to watch:

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

Also, a cool song for the moment... Switchfoot's Afterlife (RHYNO remix)