"I'm not careless. I'm carefree."

I came to a profound realization this week after a hypno session that I'd like to share with you, as I think everyone can relate.

Here it is: Because of a decision I made when I was six years old, I have been living my life as if that decision is Truth. Before entering the 2nd grade, I came to a conclusion that would determine how I showed up to my life, from that day forward. One or two small events, at that malleable, delicate age, caused a shift in my whole world.

Whether you realize it or not, we all have early 'memories' or life events that caused us to make a decision - about ourselves and what we are capable of, what makes us valuable, what to expect of others, and so forth. And despite the fact that these conclusions are incredibly outdated and were formed by a young child, we act them out in our adult lives on a daily basis. It's deep programming that has hijacked our pure, authentic consciousness and convinced us of falsehoods.

In my case, I had decided that in order to be loved and accepted, I would have to be in service of everyone else. I had to please others at the expense of my own wants and dreams, because that's the only way that I would be loved and valued. That's what "good girls" who don't want to be "selfish" do.

The memory is so clear. I can remember exactly where I was and how it felt in my body when that learning took root. The 'Truth' that love would come with sacrifice. And that the sacrifice would have to be my desires and my intuition. I learned to please, in fear of disappointment. To overextend myself, for fear of being selfish. To deny myself, for fear of losing people. To be anything that others needed, but to put myself last. To white-knuckle my way through, for fear of perceived negligence and laziness.

That moment set the rules for my relationships (romantic, familial, and personal). It affected how I showed up at school (where, not surprisingly, perfectionist and rule-following behavior was greatly rewarded and earned A's). It blanketed all areas of my life. Left and right, I would give up things that were important to me to appease others and "win" their approval (love).

But, this week, I went back to visit that 6 year old girl, right before the event happens that informed this conclusion about self-sacrifice and self-denial. 

I explain who I am, what is about to happen, and assure her that I am never, ever going to leave her. I, her future self, tell her that I am always going to love and protect her, including in this approaching moment. I remind her that she's innocent, perfect, strong, and (most importantly) in control. In trance, I go through the scene with her, little Tiff, feeling the old emotions swell in my body as I experience what she felt when she was first told that she was selfish and learned how good it felt to be praised for her agreeable, obedient behavior. But, this time in the memory, little Tiff is in control. She can change the scene - how it plays out, how she reacts, and how she walks away from it. As I watch her from across the room, keeping her in my heart and sending her encouragement, she decides to let the words roll off. She understands that the words and judgments are coming from someone else's insecurities and have nothing to do with her. She is unaffected. She reminds herself that she's not "selfish" - she's just excited and enjoying herself. She has gratitude and she expresses it. And she will never be alone, because she is consciousness - she is infinite.

At the end of this exercise, six-year-old me and present me become integrated. There is no separation. And all of the energy and intention and expectation around that old belief disappears. Because it never was planted.

I walked out of my session feeling incredibly light and with the new conviction that I will no longer seek permission from others to live my life the way that I want to. No longer will I put myself last or take on too many commitments to prove that I care and that I am worthy of receiving. Because the notion that I am selfish/not caring or unloved/unloveable is gone.

And on my drive back to work, it came to me. "I'm not careless. I'm carefree." My new mantra.

I hope that you feel inspired and encouraged to dig up your old stories - the ones that you still live out as Truths even today. Clear them out. They don't serve you. Choose freedom. 

Splinter

A splinter is a fragment of a larger object, or a foreign body that penetrates or is purposely injected into a body. 

There are times in life when we get pricked by something painful that demands our attention. It lodges into our conscience and jabs at our sense of self.

Losing your job. A relationship ending. An injury. A financial loss. A car accident. A heartbreak. A missed opportunity.

These things are tough. They hurt. I get a pit in my stomach just imagining them. But here is the good news. Whatever the source of pain, this event or state is something that your innate essence will eventually recognize as foreign - not a part of you, but something you are merely experiencing. Something that is temporarily making itself known and crowding your head and heart space. But it's not attached to you or able to control you (without your permission, that is). And, like a splinter that your body identifies as something that does not belong, this state will eventually be pushed out. It will be expelled, because it's too small - too unfamiliar - too separate from the true you. Your essence knows that splinter is unwelcomed and, as such, it won't be able to stay for long.

I've also learned that relationships, jobs, and situations that once felt a part of us - a natural, integrated component of our lives - can transform into splinters. Suddenly, seemingly overnight, they don't belong. And our minds, bodies, and the Universe that we are remnants of, will start to make an effort to excrete them. Sometimes, we are the captains of that release and it's our own conscious choice. Other times, the Universe plucks out the splinter before we are ready to let go. And it hurts. It feels like something was done to us. We feel slighted, abused, unlucky, and victimized. Perhaps you go through the "should-have-saw-it-coming" blame game, or let the extraction prove a limiting belief you have or become a reason to give up and play small.

Let me offer a REFRAME a friend shared that really helped me.  What if instead of seeing the extraction as something being done to you, you instead saw it as something that was being done for you? Not as a burden or a slight, but as a favor. A deed granted on your behalf, bestowed by something greater than you - greater than what your mind and current situation could have informed you of.

Like a vestigial organ that once served us in a past life, but no longer has a purpose for our new, evolved selves, we must learn to let go. Are you resisting the shedding of an old layer? Are you holding onto something that once felt familiar and comfortable, but no longer serves you? Let the natural tendencies of your body and mind guide you towards lightening your load and realigning with what is resonant with your intrinsic nature.

As the definition goes, if we can see life's splinters as:

1. part of something larger (bigger than our egos and our ideas of how things should go)
2. a foreign body (separate from our purest selves and removable)

...we'll be better equipped to treat them with compassion and gratitude, and move about the world with an understanding that they are purposeful and temporary.

3 Things I Learned from Hypnotherapy

I started hypnotherapy in January... and, ever since, 'unleashed' has a whole new meaning.

Let me blast through all assumptions and guesswork and tell you that hypnosis is simply a focus practice. Whether you self-administer or work with a hypnotherapist, this therapy mediates a heightened state of awareness. In this state of relaxed alertness, you are able to release your grip on the conscious, analytical mind, and tap into your subconscious awareness. If I ever doubted that there is real magic on this earth, hypnotherapy has blown that disbelief out of the water. We are all wizards. 

I'd like to share a few things that I have learned from this powerful state of consciousness, as I think everyone will benefit. Through my sessions, I have realized that I was living far below my full potential without this knowledge about how to hack my own 'system.'

1.)  Your brain and your mind are two separate entities. Think of your brain as a computer, and your mind as the monitor. Your brain runs various programs, and your mind displays the results, affecting how you see and exist in the world.

2.)  You are not your body. You are not your brain. Your body has sensations, and your brain has thoughts. But these are not you. They are just evidence that the computer is working and doing its job. YOU are the observer. The pure, innocent, authentic observer of all those feelings, emotions, sensations, and thoughts. Your essence is comprised of awareness. When you feel any tension, fear, or resistance, that's just the body's way of asking you (the observer), "are you sure you're ready to release that?" And you have to relax, unclench, and say "I'm letting it go." When you decide to release something you've been holding on to, whether a judgement, fear, or limiting belief, alarms will go off! The program is being overridden. Your brain will start to rapid fire messages, like, "Wait! That doesn't feel comfortable! That's not how we do things!" You might feel sensations bubble up in your body, like heat in your throat or knots in your stomach. But you are not these things - you are the observer of them. So you can simply acknowledge them: "Thank you for the message. Nothing I can do about that," or "Got it. Moving on," or "I don't need tension around that." You have the power to reroute the carved paths in your brain, simply by noticing them. When you have conscious awareness of your triggers and default states, your observance of them suddenly pulls the rug out from under the program and opens up a new realm of possibilities. Now that you've seen behind the curtain, you can choose a new state of being. It takes practice to maintain your position as the curious observer (instead of the reactive, calculating computer), but it's absolutely possible. 

3.)  We don't have free will. We have free won't. This builds on the previous learning. We have our computers (brains) with programming, comprised of past events and traumas, habits, and predispositions that guide most of our actions unconsciously. You have learned simple programs like how to tie your shoes, how to walk, and how to communicate. Those are helpful programs that run unconsciously throughout the day. Perhaps unbeknownst to you, you even have programs for things like how to attract attention and how to recognize and receive love. Guided by what you observed and experienced growing up and how you've achieved various things in the past, your brain is most always on auto-pilot, running these programs. When programs are running without our awareness, they are particularly detrimental. What if your "morning commute" program was so rigid, that you weren't able to avoid a stalled car or navigate around traffic? In your childhood, what if you learned that love entails abuse, or that you can get attention by picking fights? Those programs are not helpful; they are limiting and dangerous. There is much research supporting this notion that many of our actions are not initiated consciously (evidence that we don't have total free will, or free choice). However, the real choice we have is whether we will let our programming make choices for us. We can say no to our programming, and, as the aware observer, exercise (what I believe is best called) free won't. 

There will be many more post-hypno reflections and learnings to share as I continue my sessions. Feel free to ask me any questions about my experience or share your own programming hacks.

If you live in the Los Angeles area and want to learn how to harness your own magic, I'm happy to provide you with info to contact my hypnotherapist. He is the most intuitive person I've been blessed to know. Just email me or comment below. 

3 Things I Learned From Being Phoneless

I'd like to share three things I have learned from being cellphone-less for a month. It was an accident, and the whole ordeal really pissed me off in the beginning. And there are still day when I curse the Sprint gods for imposing this on me. But, truly, I have learned some very valuable lessons over the past few weeks and experienced a real perspective shift around what it means and feels like to be an unadulterated observer on this planet.

1.) Sunsets and full moons are more beautiful through your eyes than a lens. Nature's sensory gifts are physically and emotionally moving when you are left to experience them 'live' and bask in their glory, instead of trying to capture them on a device. There were enough times over the past month when I felt a knee-jerk reaction to 'capture this!' that I became aware of how often I felt the need to remove myself from the present moment to digitally bottle it. Whether a visually pleasing plate of food, or sorbet sky on the way home from work, or my cats being especially hilarious... Instead of allowing all of my senses to process and enjoy the special moment on their own, my hand would instinctually dive into my purse to find my phone... to no avail. Phoneless, I was left to experience the moment to the fullest... noticing details and subtleties that I would have missed if I was swiping through filters and tapping my photo into perfect lighting and focus. Spared from likes, comments, and other digital distractions, my experiences become more meaningful and - surprisingly - more memorable. I do, however, acknowledge and commend photographers around the world whose life's work it is to bring the beauty of travel, landscapes, and experiences to those who will never have the opportunity to see those sights for themselves. Here, I'm calling out the people who stop to take a picture of a rose bush on their run, instead of literally smelling the roses. And the folks who take a picture of their latte before enjoying it, as if taking a picture makes it taste better or mean more. (Full disclosure: I was that person.) Look - it's ok to capture the special moments. But catch yourself when capturing them becomes more special than the moments themselves. I know you don't scroll through your camera roll to look at the 17 different sunset pics you've taken over the lifespan of your smartphone anyways. And their impact on your Insta followers is short-lived, at best.

2.) Looking up and around is much more rewarding than looking down. Catching the eye of a stranger. Witnessing a precious moment between a mom and her child. Dodging a stalled vehicle. Seeing a shooting star. When you can't look down and scroll through a social media feed or set random reminders while waiting in line at a coffee shop or at a traffic light, you have the opportunity to make meaningful soul connections with others and experience the raw beauty of life happening around you. You wouldn't believe how much you miss when your eyes are fixated on the blue-ish glow of your cellphone screen. It's both scary and bleak. I actually couldn't believe just how often I would default to my phone as an escape from simple everyday vulnerabilities or opportunities to relax with a still mind. Did I find it 'uncomfortable' standing outside the restaurant waiting to meet my friend for lunch, with nothing to occupy my eyes and hands? At first, yes. What is it about needing to look busy?! It had become habitual to always have my phone in hand as a way to look 'busy,' or 'important,' or just to avoid eye contact with another human being. Not possible when you're cellphone-less. So, instead, I would take in my surroundings, smile at other diners coming in, or have a moment of self-reflection. And you know what happens when you're not distracted? You're actually living and giving yourself a chance to process and decompress throughout the day. Which leads me to...

3.) 'Always on' KILLS thoughtfulness, integrity, and the ability to be truly present. When you can always check your email, respond to a text, and be reached, communication becomes much less meaningful. Did I miss some texts and calls that I would have liked to receive (a dinner invite, a funny pic, a call from my sister)? Yes. But (most of) the important folks, or people who really wanted to connect, tracked me down. Can you believe they didn't even have to resort to snail mail? And I had a more present, meaningful conversation with those people because of the effort they invested to reach me. Needing to make a more-than-two-second effort to reach someone really makes you take pause to consider the necessity and importance of your message, which ultimately forces you to be more thoughtful in your communication. It helps to cut out the pointless fillers that feign real connection, and it also encourages you to actually pick up the phone to have a deep conversation or true catch-up. Another interesting part of not being 'always on:' when you make a commitment to someone - like 'I'll meet you at the restaurant at 12:30' - there is no, 'I'm running late,' or 'Parking!' or 'I'm sitting at the table in the back corner.' You have to actually find each other. And actually be on time. And actually trust that you will both arrive, as planned. (Reminds me of an old black and white films, wherein people just miss each other... rounding the street corner before their lover dashes into view, tardy for their date.) There is a certain glitter and mystery around not having the ability to connect when you're out and about or set to have plans.  It requires integrity and trust. Trust that the person will follow through on their word, and trust that the Universe will deliver (or not). Finally, when you DO find your friend (assuming that they didn't get pulled over for texting-and-driving, or were running late from their spin class, or flat out forgot because their digital calendar didn't remind them) - you are totally present for your meeting. You don't say, 'hold that thought,' because your other friend is texting you to make weekend plans, or because you want to look something up on Google. You are completely and totally attentive and able to enjoy your company...or at least much more than you would have been if you courteously had your iPhone face down on the table.

Not having a phone has made me vulnerable. Vulnerable to wrong turns and missed communications. (Although, my understanding of side streets has certainly improved without the crutch of Waze.) It requires that I work harder to stay in touch with the people I love. It means that I have to wear a watch. It enables me to cut back on distractions and give my mind, and my lunch date, my full attention. This accidentally-off-the-grid period of time has been a true blessing. And whenever I do have a phone again, I will be exceptionally more mindful of when the phone is actually allowing me to connect, and when it's forging or sacrificing connection with the world and people I care about. I hope that you will take this to heart and feel how it resonates with you. Perhaps you didn't even recognize your habits, because it's become part of everyday life to roll over in the morning and start looking at your phone, or take one last peak at Facebook while your body and mind try to prepare for sleep. Start taking small steps to reclaim your attention span and vulnerability as an observer in your own life. It is truly rewarding.

Favorite new track, premiered yesterday. Other Lives, "Reconfiguration"

I live in the present. Moment to moment, moment to moment...

I Am Alone

"I am in this alone. I have to do this by myself. I can't ask for help." This is along the lines of what I tell myself when I am feeling overwhelmed. Whether I'm at work juggling 52 projects, at home frantically cleaning before guests arrive, or parked in my car having an emotional breakdown, the voice that pops into my anxious brain says, "I am alone."

Sheesh. In the moments that I am feeling like I might shatter or burst, my first thought isn't to ask for help, but instead to drown in my current state alone. Why is this? The short answer: it's programming from my childhood. There must have been an occasion or two when I asked for help, and was met with the feeling that I was a burden or bother. From then on, my body stored the feeling of asking for help as being uncomfortable and hurtful, so instead I would forge through problems and obstacles alone.

Now this shows up in my current day-to-day, as a belief that when the going gets tough, I have to push through it on my own. I've gotten so used to this constructed mindset, that now I not only feel that asking for help would be shameful and annoying, but also that I probably would do a better job if I just took it all on myself anyways. Perfectionism was born. "Let me do this all on my own in my own way and then everything will be ok." (albeit I'm exhausted, deflated, and feeling resentful). And then I have to lie to myself and stroke my ego enough to let the completion of the task or project feel like super wonderful, elating accomplishment, even though I worked with a furrowed brow the whole time in my wallowy state of aloneness. There is no true sense of relief or excitement when you finish a task or meet a goal that you agonized over every minute until its completion.

What story do you tell yourself? We all have a few of those negative sentiments that crop up when we are feeling especially down or tried. Really think on that. When times get hard, what pops into your mind? Is it: "I'm not smart/strong/brave/prepared enough to face this." "I'll probably mess it up." "I don't have enough time/money/energy for this." "I'm a failure." Once you've identified this mental demon, try to trace it back to its roots. Was there a time when your dad called you a wimp? Did your mom scold you when you spoke up? Did a coach focus on your shortcomings instead of your efforts? Did a teacher make you feel stupid for asking a question? Whatever that moment or series of events was, you should be able to reflect back and access how it made you feel, and what you decided to tell yourself as a result. It may blow your mind to see how something so pervasive in your current day-to-day was born from an instant in your past. And let's face it - that instant, regardless of how monumental it felt in the moment, couldn't be farther from your current reality. You are no longer a child, and -bottom line - the past is NOT the present. So we shouldn't be living the now based on something that happened in the past.

In this reflection, I have noticed two important things. The first thing is that all of these terrible judgments (lies) we pass on ourselves in those tough times are all about scarcity. They are about lacking the skills and strength needed to complete something. Or lacking the emotional capacity. Or not being important enough. Or not feeling loved or supported. They all trace back to a state of lack, rather than tapping into the abundance that is ever-true and ever-present to those who recognize and cultivate it. Douse those judgements with a strong dose of abundance, and they become affirmations. "I'm a failure" turns into "I am a winner at anything that I show up for wholeheartedly." "I don't have enough time for this" becomes "I have enough time to finish what is necessary and realistic." "I'm not brave enough" transforms into "I am a damn super hero! I eat rainbows for breakfast and with my magic superpowers, I am not afraid of ANYTHING!!!" (Well, everyone's affirmations will be unique to themselves...heh.)

The second thing I noticed is that our programming actually perpetuates our reality. The more that I experience that thought of "I am alone," the more alone I actually am. The more I have to finish by myself at work. The more alone and taxed I feel when I'm cleaning my apartment. The more weight I must bear in solitude when I'm feeling sad. My feeling of aloneness, creates actual aloneness. Other people start to leave me alone, or avoid me altogether. The resources for help and support slip away. The tasks mount higher and higher, while the assigned person to complete them remains one. Just me. Alone, and suffering. Struggling to do it all without asking for help. ("I'll do a better job than anyone else would anyways." HEY, stop that!).

Our thoughts about our reality become the very fabric of our reality. If you walk around feeling like you don't have enough money to pay your bills or follow your dream, you literally won't have enough. If you feel like you aren't brave enough to take that risk, not only will you not take it, but you will become cowardly and meek in how you present yourself and live your life. I'll take it a step further and even venture to say that if, for example, you don't feel strong enough, you body will actually begin to cower and deteriorate to meet this belief. And that in my state of thinking I'm alone, people will actually leave me and refuse to help me. And that in your state of feeling broke, you will lose or spend more money. 

This all traces back to the law of attraction (the belief that "like attracts like" and that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, one can bring about positive or negative results). The way you think and feel about yourself physically manifests (e.g. if you feel too scared to confront something, your shoulders will naturally concave to match this belief), and it will then effect how others perceive and treat you. If you feel like crap about yourself, the way you exist and interact with the world is going to be lived out from that place of feeling crappy. If you tell yourself, and others (indirectly or subconsciously), anything enough times, all around you will start to hold it as reality and bend and form around you to match it. That negative belief will show up physically and energistically, and the Universe and all things and people in it will dish out vibes of that same frequency in effort to create a sort of equilibrium. The same is true of positive, affirming thoughts. 

And if you don't believe in the "like attract like" philosophy, then you can, at the least, agree that all "reality" is based on our individual senses and perceptions. What we see and experience in the world is a construct unique to our own cognitive and sensory interpretations. And when our brain (the control center that processes all of our five senses) is focused on negativity, judgment, and discouraging thoughts, we will actually start to see and sense those things in the "outside world" we are perceiving. 

This concludes my musings about how damaging and self-fulfilling negative judgments and fabricated philosophies about ourselves can be. I have recently seen so many blatant, undeniable instances of the law of attraction in action, that I felt compelled to share. I hope that after reading this and with some thought, you are more careful with your beliefs and proclamations, and that you choose sentiments that are born from a place of abundance. Personally, I am going to work on debunking the myth of "aloneness" that I have created by delegating projects, asking for help more often, and simply being more realistic and fair with myself about how much work and responsibility I can actually hold space for. I would love to hear how you will be clearing out your clouded head space and reworking your beliefs in 2015. Share in the comments below.

Happy New Year!

Glass Animals "Cocoa Hooves"

Self-Judgement

I have been talking about getting my Unleashed tattoo since my trip to Nicaragua over the summer. Lots of talking about it, some action (doodling). But still haven't booked the appointment. There's been a deep hesitation I experience each time I think about taking that next step. What is it? It's not about getting the tattoo itself. It's deeper than that...

The other day, my business partner brought it up. 

"What's up with your Unleashed tattoo? When is that happening?" 

I felt exposed. I felt out of integrity. In that moment, I was confronted with the truth: I don't feel unleashed enough to deserve it or wear it authentically. It's like that fear of being "found out." Like one day, your boss will come up to you and say, "So, actually, you suck at marketing. I know your LinkedIn profile says that's your 'expertise,' but I see you, and you suck." I experience that when I write these blog posts. "Gosh, what if they realize that I DON'T have it all figured out? And who wants to read about someone bumper-boating around in her own life?" I feel like a work in progress... in pursuit of living unleashing in every moment and embodying that mindset in all I do. But, I still struggle with boundary-setting and my deep-rooted fears. I still wrap myself in expectations and anticipation. I still struggle with being truly present and in gratitude of the now. I'm not my most evolved self, where I ultimately want to be. 

Do you have feelings like that? Like you are constantly in pursuit... focusing on the goal and where you long to be? Are you lasered into the day when you wake up and actually like what you see in the mirror? The day you walk into the offices of the company you've always wanted to work for. The day she asks you out. The day that the scale reads 5 pounds less. The day that your parents accept you for who you are. The day you make time to finish that personal project.

Whatever your ultimate goals and wishes are, that "work in progress" mentality, of constantly looking ahead and wanting for something you currently don't have, puts us in a state of deficiency and "not enough." And for all the perfectionists out there - I feel you. This "not enough" can feel 1000 tons more heavy when you are honed in on that final product being FLAWLESS.

I admit, the "not enough" mindset can be sexy and even a desirable place to be. It allows you to focus on a fabrication in your mind, instead of confronting what the present state actually is. It enables you to disconnect from reality and instead daydream about what you don't have, whether that "thing" be a dream job, a romantic partner, self-value, peace of mind, or an overflowing bank account. It's easy to slip into a place of longing and feeling the lack of whatever you long for. But it completely robs you of your life RIGHT NOW. 

I'm guilty of sitting in that place. It often takes someone else pointing out that I'm spiraling in the "future" whirlpool, dizzying myself and getting nowhere, for me to actively pull myself out and get into a present place of recognition and gratitude. REAL acknowledgement of what the current moment holds: A beating heart. A roof over my head. 5 bucks for a tasty burrito. 2 hands to create. 2 legs to take me wherever I want to go. Friends who love me and laugh with me. Coconut ice cream in my freezer. The energy to get myself to a yoga class. Take inventory! Anytime you sink into that mindset of "my life start 5 years / 5 lbs / 5 miles / 5 interviews / 5 exams / 5 $zeros from now"... SNAP OUT OF IT by honoring what you have, who you are, and where you're at right in this moment. Your life -- your own personal adventure that you get to lead -- is happening and is worth appreciating right now. 

You know all of the lovely quotes about focusing on the destination and, as a result, missing the whole journey. They speak truth.  Give yourself credit for what you're currently working with. That your heart is in the right place, even if your mind wanders and your ego vies for your attention.

What my partner helped me realize was that I shouldn't wait to get my tattoo until I really feel like I'm living unleashed in every moment. The tattoo is really meant to remind me of what I'm capable of, not where I'm going or how I'm going to get there. But that I currently have the tools and the fiery desire - both things to be very grateful for. Eff the "end goal," whatever the heck that construct is. It will probably change 57 times by the end of the week. It's not worth the energy. Right now, I'm happy to claim, and CHOOSE, my current state... releasing the self-judgement and future-focused-thoughts so that I do enjoy the journey.

Jessie J - Masterpiece

WILD

Over the past couple of months, I've really become connected to the wild woman that lives within me. I have been actively learning what it means to practice body intuition in all its forms, from how I nourish and move my body to how I share my body with others. I'm learning what it means to be FIERCE in protecting myself and in standing up for all girls and women. I'm listening to those instinctual feelings that come from a totally different mental drawer than logic. I have taken some big risks, choosing to take action when I get that "knowing" feeling in my belly. I'm feeling much more connected to nature and my home environment than I ever did before. My senses have been awakened and heightened on all levels. I feel emotions more deeply and can pinpoint parts of my body where energy is stored. This helps me feel more connected to my purest sense of self and less connected to my ego.

Look at these definitions of wild:

1. (of an animal or plant) living or growing in the natural environment; not domesticated or cultivated. synonyms: untamed, undomesticated, feral
2. uncontrolled or unrestrained, especially in pursuit of pleasure

Keep in mind, we are all animals. So... living in a natural, unfabricated and unrestrained, environment. UNTAMED. And in pursuit of pleasure. Talk about being unleashed and following your desire... 

Perhaps it seems nearly impossible to imagine maintaining that natural, instinctual state in today's world, with the current systems and realities in place. But there was a time when we all were closest to that truly wild state: when we were children.

Think about a 5-year-old girl, running wild and free on the playground. Climbing monkey bars and hanging upside down, darting around the grass, falling and scraping her knees, squealing with joy and reckless abandon. What happens to that fun-loving, risk-taking, free spirit? How does she become so contained and tame? Her spirit gets squashed by the opinions and expectations of others (the movies she watches, her parents, friends, religion, school system...). Suddenly that spirit is no longer guided by its untouched, sacred intuition. It becomes all about what society deems acceptable, and what your best friend thinks. Your first girlfriend/boyfriend becomes the gospel. The media tells you that you are broken or have some sort of problem that can be fixed with money and time. Now the wild child is so faint that you can barely make out her light. Underneath the heap of chains and cages that are regulation, expectation, and judgment, we lose sight of her. She starts to become what others want her to be instead of who she really is at her core: wild.

I was that wild little girl for some time. I climbed on top of the newly delivered rugs in my grandma's furniture store and belted out Achy Breaky Heart at the top of my lungs. I rode any and every roller coaster at Circus Circus. I told people what I thought without pause or filter (and without being asked). I took leadership roles whenever I could, from playing school and movie theater with my little sister, to organizing a girl band with my Spice-Girls-loving friends. I participated in class without hesitation. I was completely in my element.

But at some point I lost sight of that wild child. Looking back, I have (too) many distinct memories of times I let myself be trapped or controlled. I stopped sharing my opinions and talents so freely. I felt embarrassed when I raised my hand too often in school. I agonized over which outfit to wear. I quit softball because my fear of others' judgement literally affected how well I could play. I looked at my body with scrutiny in dance class. I dated a guy who picked on my physical appearance so much, pinching my waisting and regulating what I was eating, that I became obsessive about my diet and exercise regimen. I worked jobs that took advantage of my time and made me feel like my opinions were best kept to myself and my emotions left at home. I gave up all of my power. I allowed myself to be tamed into what others deemed acceptable and desirable. The wild little girl from my childhood wouldn't even recognize me. 

I encourage you to reflect on your childhood memories - both the times when you felt reckless abandon and the times when you started to become more self-conscious and started to care more about what others thought and wanted for you. Trace back to your wild roots and reconnect with that free spirit. It takes a lot of deprogramming to strip away all of those layers down to the wild part of us - our most pure form. After years of practicing to actively let go of what others want me to be, and instead tapping into my intuition to ask what I want to be, and finding ways to nurture and grow my free spirit (yoga, dance, weight-lifting, hiking, Burning Man, camping), I am finally starting to connect with that inherently wild core. How can you tap into that sacred place within yourself? Something that I find very helpful is surrounding myself with people that allow and encourage me to be my wild self. People that don't impose judgements or try to reel me in and contain me, but instead those who will dance with me or cheer me on as I go. I'm so thankful I've found a tribe, which continues to grow and expand the more wild I allow myself to be. What kind of people do you surround yourself with? How does it affect your ability to be your wild self?

"So, I say to you with affection, imagistically - be you a Black wolf, a Northern Grey, a Southern Red, or an Arctic White - you are the quintessential instinctual criatura. Although some might really prefer you to behave yourself and not climb all over the furniture in joy or all over people in welcome, do it anyway. Some will draw back from you in fear or disgust. Your lover, however, will cherish this new aspect of you - if he or she be the right lover for you. 

Some people will not like it if you take a sniff at everything to see what it is. And for heaven's sake, no lying on your back with your feet up in the air. Bad girl. Bad wolf. Bad dog. Right? Wrong. Go ahead. Enjoy Yourself." -- Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.

Go on with your lovely wild selves!!! Feels better. I promise. AAAAAOOOOOO!

Phantogram - Howling at the Mooooooon

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