Travel: Following Through with 2014 Intentions

As many of you know, I will be taking my first big, personal, international trip at the end of this week. Per my commitment to myself to honor omens, step outside of my safe space, and to leave the country at least once a year for an adventure, I am traveling to Nicaragua on a week-long yoga & surf retreat. Whew! I get a thrilling rush of warmth just thinking about being by the water, challenging my body, writing, reading, and connecting with new, lovely spirits.

A couple of things worth noting about my trip...

• I just met everyone I will be traveling with - cheers to new friends!
• I have never surfed and have a slight fear of the ocean - rip currents and I don't get along (just ask the lifeguard at El Porto)
• My packing list includes malaria medication (awesome. mosquitos love me.) 

My excitement overwhelms any of these potentially uncomfortable details. Going on this trip, despite these things, is significant for me. And, yes, my commitments and my integrity around living more unleashed this year and every year that follows are big reasons why I am going. But I think the most noteworthy driver is how I discovered this trip. Let me start from the beginning...

Two years ago, I wrote about my intention to travel to Costa Rica. A friend told me about a yoga farm at the southernmost tip of the country, and I was dead set on traveling there at some point in 2013. But finances (and, really, fear) got in the way, and I didn't end up planning my trip. However, the Universe still honored my intention. A few months after I set it free into the realm of possibilities, my mom hit her bonus at work, won an all-expenses paid trip to Costa Rica, and invited me to be her guest. (Every time I think about this, I go through this tug-of-war of thinking, “HOLY CRAP, THAT IS CRAZY” vs. just giving the Universe a big wink and a thank you). Ask and you shall receive. I was meant to go. And the trip was beautiful and perfect in so many ways that I couldn't have ever imagined. My mom and I had such a wonderful time relaxing and rejuvenating together, but also connecting on a deeper level than we had in my entire life. The trip fulfilled both my desire to travel and my deep yearning to get closer to my mom. I wouldn't have thought to connect the two.

At the close of 2013, I wrote another post that included my travel intentions for 2014. I slated Thailand, Chicago, Nashville, and Europe. I can check off Chicago from the list – what an amazing trip that was visiting a best friend. Nashville is still in the cards, as my cousins move there later this month. Thailand is happening at the end of the year. And, it looks like I’m swapping out Europe for Nicaragua – which is totally OK by me, since the root intention there was to explore a new place. [Europe, I’ll see you in 2015.]

Here’s where the magic (cue tug-of-war again) was apparent again. Keenly aware of needing some creative expression in my life, after an extended time away from it, I got back into dance at the end of 2013. By chance, I decided to try Yoga Booty Ballet, despite the totally silly (but, really, up my alley) name. I was transformed. I was completely reconnected with my profound need to move my body in an expressive, unleashed way. And, on top of that, YBB is centered on creating intentions and getting honest about what you want to dance for in your life. Perfect. [Another immensely important part of my YBB experience is the angel known as my teacher, Kristen, who merits a whole other blog post. Which I know I will soon write. Stay tuned.]

Meanwhile, as I immersed back into my dancer self, I was feeling anxious about my commitment to going to Europe in 2014. I didn't want to go by myself, and I didn't have anyone in my life that was willing and able to spend the time and money on a trip in the near future. It was starting to look more and more unlikely that I would fulfill that wanderlust. But, week after week, in a seated position at the beginning of my YBB class, I would ask the Universe for travel. It listened.

One night in class, Kristen mentioned that a friend of hers was hosting a retreat in Nicaragua. My ears perked. I was intrigued. I went home that night to research it. I immediately recognized that the trip (again) would fulfill multiple commitments I had set for myself, other than travel, including:

• Letting go of the need to feel safe
• Establishing deep self-trust - listening with a sensitive ear to my instincts and developing a higher level of consciousness
• Creating more balance: between personal/professional, time alone/time with others, health/indulgence, reflection/expression...
• Living a powerful, marvelous life

This trip is exactly what I needed, and what I ultimately asked for, just in different packaging than I imagined. I really loved being taken by surprise! The Nicaragua trip will empower me to do things that I am afraid of, like travel without a friend, establish an intimate relationship with the ocean through surfing, and surrender control (since someone else is ultimately in charge of booking the details). [Little self-acknowledgement that letting go of the need to control was a big one for me.] The trip will also force me to carve out time for me to do some deep inner work, give me a break from the stress of my job, and just have a flat out AMAZING life experience. 

Thank you to all the friends and family who have been sending me encouraging, loving energy since I booked this trip. I will bottle that and sip from it while I'm away. Something that I have been mulling over, but have been afraid to commit to, is going "offline" on this trip. I'm such a social creature, who values being in touch with her loved ones and gets her energy from communicating and collaborating with others.  However, I have noticed that I sometimes use constant connection as a crutch and an avoidance mechanism for developing a deep relationship with myself. That being said, I think that this trip presents the perfect opportunity for me to lean into another fear of mine: fear of being forgotten/feeling unimportant/being abandoned. Before my flight takes off, I'm going to have a friend change my passwords so that I don't feel tempted. I will be blogging (journaling) while I'm away, but my communication will be one-way. I will be offline as of Saturday morning. I'm excited to connect and share when I return on the 28th. If you need to send me a message while I'm away, send it directly to my heart. :)

One final thing I'll share, from an astrological perspective (hi, fellow Aquarians!) A segment of my June forecast that beautifully aligns with the intentions I have set for my present and for my trip:

One of your best months for love has arrived, for the new moon that lit the velvety blue sky at the end of last month, May 28, will help you step into a lyrical, fragrant and romantic month. Your efforts to find fun and love will be supported in every way. If you are single and hoping to find love, in the first ten days of June, Cupid and his little fleet of angels will be around every corner, poised with their bows and arrows to help love along. Travel at this time of the month seems to fan the fires of love, as evidenced by Mars' position...Leaving everyday life behind will refresh you in ways that will amaze you.

I will be channeling self-love and inner connectivity in a REAL way on this trip, and I'm so thrilled that the heavenly bodies will be on my side in this commitment. Also happy to spend a good chunk of the Mercury Retrograde beachside. It ends two days after I return!

Here are some sweet tunes for this lovely day.  I have had this song "Gooey" by Glass Animals on repeat for a couple of weeks now... still in love.

And another awesome one by Glass Animals, "Cocoa Hooves:"

Why don’t you dance like you’re sick in your mind?

Just Ask.

Whether you are asking a friend for help in the midst of a meltdown, asking a lover to share their feelings, or even asking The Universe (really, yourself) to bring you new opportunities, taking what is weighing on your heart & mind and lobbing it out there into the realm of possibilities can be terrifying. All of the sudden, as the asker, you experience immense vulnerability and accountability. You are exposed. You are in need. You now play a part in the followthrough, because you have set your request free into existence, outside of your own confines. And, in this raw state of requesting something, now you must be prepared to receive, and what you receive could very well be rejection and judgement. 

But, guess what? If you don't ask, the answer is always 'no.' The door is always closed. Your mind will continue to hamster-wheel and your heart will remain clenched with hope (ugh, pitiful hope). You're trapped in the waiting room of your own mind, tapping your foot and eagerly hoping that someone else shows up -- to read your mind, magically answer your questions, and fulfill your desires. 

That sounds terrible and exhausting. That looks like living in the backseat. That requires an immense amount of complacent, expectant 'patience' that ultimately puts pressure on everyone and everything else to follow through on your unexpressed needs and desires.  That feels like powerlessness, like everything you want lies outside of yourself in a fabricated, "gimme" desperation. Well, screw that. I'm not interested in the blame game.

The power of asking is immense. And, correspondingly, the responsibility for you to show up and be open to receiving is equally immense.

Let's start with what 'asking' looks like. Being intentional and direct about what you want is important. Before you make a request of yourself or someone else, seriously consider what it is you want to create, need help with, or desire. Do you want to create a new position for yourself at work? Do you want your partner to be more affectionate? Do you need a friend to give you space? Do you want to go to grad school?  Whatever it is... there is a lot that can get in the way of forming our requests. Perhaps you only feel brave enough to ask for half of what you want. Or maybe it seems easier to ask for what someone else thinks you should want. Maybe you've convinced yourself that you are incapable or unworthy of even making the request. There can be deep programming and 'stories' that smother our truest desires. So it's important to spend the time peeling back those layers to get at the core of what it is that you want. The more clear and direct your request, the more clear and direct the path of the boomerang that will answer it. So, get honest. Get crystal clear. Remove yourself from the expectations of others, and allow your ego to slip into submission. When you are blatantly honest with yourself, regardless of what others or you think is actually possible, what do you desire? When you are completely stripped down and free of fear (of judgement, of being seen, of rejection, of vulnerability), what do you want? 

Whether you are asking for pleasure, clarification, advice, opportunity, or help, the requirements of asking are the same. Be clear and authentic about what you want, and capture it. Write it in a journal, pin it on your vision board, paste it on your bathroom mirror, share it with a confidant... adorn your mental and physical space with it. There may be bumps and turns along the way, and you don't want to lose sight of the raw, pure desire you've captured. So make sure you have multiple ways to be reminded and to refer back to it.

Now, the 'receiving.' Sounds like the best part, right?! The time when you get to sit back and reap all the benefits. The answer/help/fulfillment will show up in a perfectly wrapped package on your doorstep. Wrong. While, receiving is an awesome part of the process, you certainly aren't magically wiped clean of responsibility. Your attention and agency are required at this stage too. 

If you ask for a love, but aren't willing to be vulnerability enough to receive it, what's the good in asking? If you ask for a new job, but feel unworthy of the position, what will receiving that feel like?

Receiving requires just as much vulnerability and honesty as asking. And it requires you to remain present and alert. That means no digging around in your past for examples of when you have failed, and no projecting onto the future you... since you don't have access to it. There will be hints and omens to take note of. You must keep your eyes peeled, your ears perked, and your intuition sharp. Don't let yourself get caught up in feelings of 'by now' ("it should have happened by now"). As the now-super-vulnerable asker, avoid judging or doubting yourself (and certainly don't let the skepticism from others color your intuition). You're the courageous, badass creator of your own life, remember? Refer back to the original request often. Ask yourself if it still rings true, and be reminded of what your soul asked for when you gave it the chance to be unleashed and expressed.

Be brave. Ask for it. And be ready as ever to receive it... whatever your it is.

[Something that I won't get into tonight, for the sake of brevity, is what makes it so hard for us to ask for what we want. Hint: it requires self-worth and vulnerability, and you can't selectively numb. If you want to continue on that mental hopscotch, you can refer back to one of my old posts on Worthiness, or watch one of my favorite TED Talks from Brené Brown: The Power of Vulnerability. I revisit this talk every couple of months, and it realigns my self-awareness each time I do.] 

I'll take this opportunity to share with you something that I have asked for (whoa, vulnerability). While I thought that I had requested this long ago, turns out that I needed to 1.) get more clear with myself about what the request truly was, 2.) not merely utter the words, but actually live out / act on that commitment (gotta show up to receive), and 3.) get the hell out of my own way (stay brave). I've planted these seeds over the last couple of weeks by sharing my request with friends. But I have yet to put it in writing. So, here we go. I am asking for honest, pure, passionate love. I want to establish a deep connection that breeds full openness, learning, and growth... as well as a ton of smiling, dizzying intimacy, romance, exploring, and encouragement. BAM! Hold me to it.

Quitter

Happy Saturday, you lovely readers! 

I have another item to add to your reading list, should you find it relevant and compelling. I just recently finished reading Jon Acuff's Quitter: Closing the Gap Between Your Day Job & Your Dream Job. In a time of true personal individuation and teasing out who I am at my core and what awakens my spirit, I've been experiencing some frustrations at work. This book really helped me step out of my ideas about my job and how it hinders me, and instead to look at the opportunities that I have to grow and learn, as well as how I should be using my job as leverage and practice for the "dream job." 

WAIT... don't go! Did you want to hear that this book was all about how to quit your day job with real bad-assery and run away to Thailand? It is! Just not in the way that you would think.

I highly suggest the book to anyone who is having a hard time "falling in like with a job they don't love." Of course, the goal is to eventually recognize, plot, and pursue your dream job. Working towards this goal requires deep thinking, strategic planning, and some serious hustling. DO NOT expect it to all happen overnight. [Unless you get off on unrealistic expectations and crying yourself to sleep every night.]

In the mean time, this book provides energizing, actionable insights into how you can lean into your current situation and to see the true silver lining. This will aid in any current "stuck" feelings and motivate you to get to work on forging a path towards where you want to be professionally. Acuff also features a great series of questions towards the end of the book that will help you determine if it truly is quitting time for you. 

One exercise from Quitter that I found particularly helpful in my state of "what are my unique talents and how can I best apply them?" is answering the five questions below.

Finding Your Hinge Moments -- 5 Questions Worth Answering:

1. What do I love enough to do for free?
2. What do I do that causes time to feel different?
3. What do I enjoy doing, regardless of the opinions of other people?
4. If only your life changed, would that be enough?
5. Are there any patterns in the things you like doing?

If you are struggling to find your passion or where to start casting your career lines, I suggest sitting down and answering these questions for yourself. I have done so, and I've felt incredibly inspired ever since. It really pushed me to GET TO WORK. Carve out time to answer them, honestly and thoughtfully, if you want to get in on some sweet dream job hustling.

(Side note: I listened to the audiobook, narrated by the author, and his vibrant personality and great wit came through very strong. He also threw in some nice "off the record" additions. Highly recommend going audiobook for this one if you can. Hell, listen to it in the car on the way to your day job!) 

Two new music favorites to share with you...
Banks - "Brain"

Coldplay - "A Sky Full of Stars"

Authenticity (and Saying 'Yes')

A friend sent me an essay that I didn't make time to read until this afternoon. But, as always, the things that got in the way leading up to this afternoon ensured I read it at just the 'right' time. I love how that works... serendipitous and perfect in timing and form.

The piece (by Elle Luna) I read today is all about Should vs Must, and what living these two very different paths looks like. The path of Should is living the life that follows the directions provided outside of us -- following our family's expectations, our friend's advice, society's constructs, our job's rules, etc. It is doing what we are "supposed to" do. Following the rules, coloring within the lines, and living a life that looks good from the outside. Too often, we say yes to Should, and we shrink away from Must. What is Must? It's the path that is born from within ourselves. It's the intuition the burns warm in our bellies, the calling that we feel undeniably pulled to pursue. It is listening from within, instead of listen to opinions/shoulds from the outside. 

Yesterday I wrote about authenticity and what it means to draw boundaries, maintain them, and show up authentically as YOU. I talked about saying 'no' to the demands and requests from the outside that don't feel aligned with what you need and want. Today, inspired by the Should vs Must mentality, I'd like to write about saying 'yes' to the demands and requests that inform/call/guide us from within.

This quote from Joseph Campbell always finds it's way back into my readings, and, not surprisingly, it was in the article I read today...

"Follow your bliss and doors will open where there were no doors before." 

Often times, when I imagine my ideal life - the one I know I am called to live, it looks a lot like running away from my current life. It looks like Moonrise Kingdom... wandering off with a suitcase of books, my favorite outfit, and my kitties. It looks like abandoning everything in my life that doesn't fit my purest desires-- to do good, live a clean, green life, to be a passageway for the transformation of others, to love with non-attachment, to be in nature, to BE bliss.

But as I run away with those thoughts and dreams, I am soon jerked awake by my fears and the barriers to get there (mainly born from the Shoulds). On bad days, I might spiral into the "it's impossible" story and vehemently resent all of the parts and people in my life that hold me back from being that unleashed, flower-crown wearing, inspired, inspiring person that I feel I Must be.  

Yet, per Elle's article, there is something so amazing that I have buried deep under the pile of my doubts and fears: the fact that I can actually make small shifts in my CURRENT life to move towards the path of Must. While I'm living a mostly Should life (corporate job, stable salary with benefits, big apartment with lots of stuff, etc.), I can take small steps towards the Must path, right now. I don't have to sell my furniture and by a carrycase for the cats to begin my journey. It doesn't have to look like running away... it can be shifting towards. Elle says, "Integrate, not obliterate...It's about doing one small thing, anything, to honor our personal truth -- today." WOW! Baby steps, not bungee jump. I can do that!

Of course, the left side of the brain chimes in with questions of money and time. And then there is the huge fear of failure. Of NOT landing on my feet. Of being ridiculed and scoffed at by my friends and family members who "told me so." Of having to start over... But, Elle reminds: although nothing in guaranteed for this journey and the ultimate destination, anything is possible.

You hear that? ANYTHING. ANY LITTLE THING. Any BIG thing. ALL of the THINGS that you can dream up, think of, muse about... it's ALL possible, at the very least. But we aren't going to get there if we don't say 'yes' to Must today. And each day after that. In however small or great a way. 

What is your calling? What do you want to create? Is it a new career, new home, a relationship, a healthier lifestyle? Take A step towards it today. Maybe you...
   - research a new company you're interested in
   - send a note to that professor who inspired you
   - join that dating site you've been "so not about"
   - just buy the journal
   - grab a pamphlet for that surfing lesson or yoga class
   - set up an airfare alert for that trip to Hawaii  
   - start that budget spreadsheet

Get clear. Dig deep. Ask yourself where in your life you are living inauthentically -- living the Should instead of the Must. And then say 'yes' to the little things you can do today to veer off the Should path. Often times, that will require you to also say 'no' to the things that are out of line with your callings, commitments, and integrity.

You have to start somewhere, right?

"The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why." - Mark Twain

Authenticity (and Saying 'No')

Let this sit with you for a moment: Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be, and embracing who we actually are.

The full definition of authenticity (in the picture above) comes from Brené Brown's The Power of Vulnerability, the audio book that I've been sinking my heart and mind into the past couple of weeks. 

There are a few quotes I've bookmarked as being particularly resonant. But this one really felt worth taking the pause to reflect. For me, one of the hardest components of authenticity that I struggle with is setting boundaries. Who do others expect me to be? We do I think I am supposed to say? It can be so difficult to say "no" to the requests that others make of us, right? Can you cover this project? (but your to-do list is already chock full) Can you pick me up from the airport? (but you committed to giving yourself a day of rest) Can you come to this last-minute dinner? (the whole family is going to be there, and you don't want to be that person) 

It is WORK to set boundaries for yourself and to turn down any number of daily requests that people make of you (both those spoken and unspoken). We want to "please" others and to be agreeable. And sometimes we do want to help out and contribute (whether to feel like part of the team, to be helpful, to be liked, etc.), but we just can't. Many times, it seems easier to say "yes" and to win agreement for 5 seconds, than it is to say "no" and avoid resenting them for the whole week leading up to that commitment you made. Brené gives a great example of how this can play out. Think about the below situation in a way that makes sense for you. Sub "cookies" for whatever someone might realistically ask of you:

"Hey Tiff, could you bring some cookies to the workshop tomorrow?"

*I think, 'Oh gosh, I already have so much to do tonight and know I won't have time to do that unless I skip yoga and sacrifice my sleep*

I respond, "Oh, sure! Yeah! I can totally do that."

I win a "thank you!"... and only be flooded with regret a few seconds after. Then, later when I am making the cookies, I'm thinking, "Why did she ask me to do this? I freaking hate this. I'm not even going to eat these! I should to be ASLEEP right now!" - all the while, mixing that resentment and silent loathing into the batter. 

Then I show up at the event (exhausted), and I toss in that passive aggressive, "Here are your cookies!!! Hope you like them! I stayed up LATE to make them." Feeling simultaneously proud of my superwoman capabilities and pissed off that I gave in.

YUCK YUCK YUCK! Wouldn't it have been better to be honest and say, "I can't tonight. I won't have the time. Ask me again next time!" or maybe even, "I don't have time to make cookies, but I do have some fruit I'd be happy to bring." People respect honesty. People will respect your boundaries if you get in the habit of keeping them. But it starts with US, not THEM. They will continue to ask, but you have to continue to answer with honesty and integrity. Sometimes the answer will be "yes" and you will be able to contribute/shift your schedule around/do that favor/make a sacrifice, and other times it will be "no." Period. Just "no." And that's ok. It's more than ok. It's authentic. It has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with YOU and what you are committed to. 

What is it that you could say to yourself when you are walking into a situation, to be mindful of authenticity? What is that phrase you can repeat to yourself before you answer someone's request? For myself, it's: "Being seen is more important than being agreeable." Or perhaps you like Brené's: "Choose discomfort over resentment." (Meaning, choose the discomfort in saying "no" and not "pleasing" over the resentment you will feel if you agree to something that you just can't or don't want to do.) When you are more committed to fitting in and belonging, and you aren't being your authentic self, you are fixing to score a heaping pile of shame, as well as a big load of commitments that you'll be wishing you never made.

Starting today, practice authenticity. Practice being fearlessly, unforgivably you. There is nothing more beautiful than a person that radiates honesty and love, and who is comfortable in their own skin and in command of their commitments. It's respectable and it demands authenticity in return (read: paying it forward!) 

I'll address other parts of the definition above in later posts. For now...

Personal Legend

“It’s [your Personal Legend] what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legend is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.”

This excerpt comes from one of my very favorite books, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. The story of The Alchemist is about being aware of omens and the pure magic that can be found what you tap into the wisdom of your heart and follow your dreams. This allegory, beautifully written and spiritually rich, illustrates how to realize and fulfill your Personal Legend, which is "what you have always wanted to accomplish." 

I picked out the quote above a few days ago, in hopes that reconnecting with this book and its allegory would help me to reconnect with my greater purpose. What has held my heart since I was little? What is my true calling? What am I meant to do in this life? In this body I've been given?

However, a multitude of obstacles kept me from getting this blog post started. Too many things were vying for my attention, and I was afraid to ask myself the necessary questions (probably because I feared that I didn't have the answers). Then, when I would get started, something/one would distract me and I never got the chance to finish until this afternoon. But I now see that there was a definite reason why I experienced those delays. Let me set the scene...

I don't know about you, but lately, I have been feeling lost and out of touch with what it is that I want, or perhaps more accurately, how to pursue it or what it would look like. Given the core theme of The Alchemist -- "when you want something, the whole universe conspires to help you achieve it," -- I have been feeling a pull to really visualize what that "something" is, so that the Universe can indeed help me pursue it. Because you have to know what you want to go after it, right?

But getting to that place of knowing, understanding, and accepting my purpose has been SUCH an uphill battle these last few days (weeks? months?). I am usually a free-flowing person -- always moving and covering new ground. I always have an agenda, something I'm working on or working towards. I don't DO "stuck." (After all, I'm an Aquarian... imaginative, an idea person). But not as of late. I was feeling like my forward momentum had periodically been jerked to a halt. I would be gliding through the water, taking long strides, and suddenly would be tangled in thick seaweed and couldn't propel myself forward. We all have moments like that. I am usually able to wriggle free fairly quickly and catch the next wave, but I've felt out of touch with the current that usually helps me find my way. I've been so tangled up and tossed around that I've nearly drowned, multiple times.

Feeling disconnected and without purpose drives me to tears, flippancy, and fits of hopelessness. Definitely not interested in those things. So, yesterday, I refreshed my commitment to reconnect with my core and figure out what my next step is. But I still wasn't ready or willing to ask myself the bigger question of WHY I was being held back. I just wanted to GET THERE ALREADY (red flag). 

But then, at the end of a roller coaster day, as I drove home... I saw the moon. BIG and bright, hanging low in the sky. It was a powerful, luminous full moon. I am usually so up to date on the moon cycle (hah! YOU all know that, because I make sure you know!) and how it might be affecting me and others, but I had been in such a funk that I hadn't even realized it.

When I brought up the full moon to a few of my friends, they said that, too, had been feeling its weight, or the pull of something outside of themselves lately. They had been turning their gaze inward and struggling to make sense of what they saw. What the heck was UP with this crazy moon? Some research later, I now understand the uncharacteristic mess of emotions and obstacles to achieve things I (and perhaps you) have been experiencing the last few weeks leading up to this moon.

Last night's full moon was in Virgo, the sign of the virgin. Christianity redefined "virgin" as sexual purity; but in ancient times, a virgin was a woman who belonged to no man - she was a woman in her own right and belonged only to herself. Last night's full moon called upon us to reclaim this virginal energy and to acknowledge our true selves and who we are meant to be. We each have a Personal Legend that we are destined to fulfill, and as much as that Legend is our own, it is also a part of the greater whole ("fear evaporates when you understand that your life story and the history of the world were written by the same hand").

Being part of the "greater whole" -- this can get messy (did somebody say, ego?). It can evoke the need to control (which I am all too familiar with) or to strive towards someone else's idea of what you should be up to, especially when your own purpose is not clear to you. But Virgo's strongest trait is discernment, clearly articulating with keen insight. Virgo's energy helps up to discover, and then master, our true talent and also understand how it can include others (be of service, be shared, used to connect). Did you feel a particular calling to be of service, to be part of a community, or to connect with others? (I mean, after you wanted to hide under the rock?) Virgo has a feminine spirit that is hopeful and full of wishful thinking for the greater society, which reminds us that we must help each other and have compassion. (Don't leave compassion for yourself out of this equation).

There is a slew of other forces contributing to the general tension or pressure we may be feeling lately (ala Saturn in Scorpio, Mars in retrograde, etc.) But what I really wanted to acknowledge was that if you were feeling lost, pulled to look within, or to latch on to a greater purpose... you are not alone. And, you are not crazy. You still with me? How this all connects back to The Alchemist... 

We can get so focused on the end goal (see: GET THERE ALREADY), in mapping out that destination and putting immense pressure on ourselves to "figure it out." In this state of frenzy and anxiety, trying to realize and then achieve our greater purpose, we MISS the journey completely. We agonize through it and wear blinders that keep us from seeing the omens, the hints, and the signs that can guide us along the way. Talk about taking the long way to get there! In these times of feeling lost, there are those secret windows and quiet whisperings - your intuition, your subconscious. And outside of your own body and mind, other people appear with wisdom to share (are you willing to listen?) and opportunities will show up like little trapdoors (scaredy cat?). 

Basically, despite the beauty in the quote, it won't always feel like the Universe is conspiring to help you achieve your Personal Legend. You will hit rough patches on your quest, for sure. But, on this journey, if you are trusting your gut, listening with an open heart, and are filled with love of the adventure (go back and read those three things again, honestly... you're going to skip it aren't you?)... if you are trusting your gut, listening with an open heart, and are filled with love of the adventure, you will surely connect with inspiration and possibility. (cue Florence singing "it's always darkest before the dawn" - or whatever super old proverb that came from).

You are the only thing holding yourself back. 

Say it: I AM THE ONLY PERSON HOLDING MYSELF BACK! 

If you value safety and comfort, you will forfeit discovery and opportunity. What is your Personal Legend? You aren't going to figure it out sitting there!!! Go live with reckless abandon, you lovely person.

As the alchemist told Santiago, "Don't give into your fears... If you do, you won't be able to follow your heart... There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure."

Declaration of Intention

I'm sensitive. I feel my feelings. And I feel all of them, the euphoric and the crushing, and I feel them deeply.

I feel other people's feelings. I take them on, I try them on. I have compassion. I try to heal others, make them feel better. I feel their feelings with them. 

I feel the weight of stress. I feel expectation. I feel time, and how little of it there is. 

I feel financial strain, and I wish, so badly, that we didn't have to deal with currency, and that we could just live in a world where kindness was cash. 

I want to do good. I want to be a part of something greater. I want to work with people who care about the well-being and empowerment and enlightenment of other people. I want to do that full-time.

I also want to have time to take care of myself. And I want to have enough time to help take care of the people that are important to me. 

I don't want to have to hide under a rock, every time I'm dealt a card that is just too much to face. I don't want to feel like I'm constantly waiting to get to the next step, just so I can breathe.

I don't want to feel like I can't confront things head on, because I already have too much on my plate.

I don't want to compartmentalize my life. I don't want to constantly toggle between tasks and commitments. I want to be able to give my attention completely and authentically. 

I'm sick of boundaries and limitations.

I just want to be free. I just want to be available to do the things that are important to me. I want to live a good, healthy, inspired, inspiring, empowered, insanely amazing, in-touch, cultured, vagabond life.

I want to connect with other people, on a deep, intimate level. I want to see the world through their eyes and learn how to create things together.

I want to feel what it feels like to dance without judgment. I want to see what I can think up when I let my mind be still. I want to drift towards where the Universe needs me most... where my purpose lies. 

And I want everyone else to have 'that' too. I want everyone to have the energy they need in order to love and have compassion for themselves and other people - the energy needed to really be able to do great things.

I want that. I want it yesterday, but I'll take it today.